The most embarrassing internet trend yet explained

There's a new term in the world of social media: sadfishing. This word alludes to the trend in which some exaggerate their emotional state in order to generate sympathy. While it's not uncommon for people to talk about grief or pain, if this becomes a frequent, possibly exaggerated online persona, then someone may be sadfishing. This behavior can pay off; friends and followers may be more willing to reach out, show compassion, and shower the person with attention. Journalist Rebecca Reid coined the term after Kendall Jenner went viral by sharing her misery over acne, only to later partner with Proactiv, a skincare brand that focuses on reducing acne. People felt that displaying grief was merely a marketing strategy and began to recognize this not only in celebrity behavior, but also in the average person online.

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The Journal of American College Health calls sadfishing a “maladaptive” online behavior to counteract this digital trend. Some may be guilty of it themselves, while others want to find out how to help their loved ones who engage in sadfishing. To better understand this latest phenomenon, Women spoke with licensed psychologist and clinical assistant professor in the department of psychiatry at NYU Grossman School of Medicine, Dr. Rachel Goldman. Dr. Rachel explains why someone might engage in sadfishing and how we can support those who engage in this online behavior.

Not all sad posts are sadfishing. Dr. Rachel Goldman tells Women that we need to be aware of the different benefits people get from social media. “Some people may overshare or post these exaggerated emotional states to get attention, but it's important to know that not everyone who overshares is necessarily sadfishing. Some people just overshare in general and like to share everything online.” Dr. Rachel especially points out that some may really be struggling.

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However, sometimes revealing too many personal problems can also be sadfishing. According to HuffPost, people with an anxious attachment style are more likely to practice sadfishing than others because they don't perceive their support network as sufficiently available. As Dr. Rachel notes, sadfishing can also have benefits. You can get attention, support, compassion, and validation. Once you get that, you're more likely to repeat the behavior. “Most things we do in life serve a purpose, and if we get the desired response, we're likely to do it again (the theory of classical conditioning and positive reinforcement),” explains Dr. Rachel.

In some cases, the need for support is genuine. But in other cases, particularly on social media, the motivation may be more calculated, such as trying to gain a larger following. “It seems like these types of stories/videos get a lot of attention, even if they're not the most positive comments… even negative comments can make the algorithm tilt in your favor, so you get more views, etc.,” she explained.

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Sadfishing becomes an unhealthy behavior when it involves manipulation to elicit pity and compassion from others. It also rarely leads to genuine connections. Instead, victims of sadfishing may feel emotionally exploited and less inclined to help others in the future if they use social media to spread bad news, where the person engaging in sadfishing falls into a repetitive behavior.

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Women asked Dr. Rachel what would likely be going on with someone who engages in sadfishing. She explains that the concern is actually what's going on behind the scenes to trigger these social media patterns. “What I'm more concerned about is the why,” Dr. Rachel begins. “I would say the fact that someone is engaging in this behavior is concerning. Most likely, the person engaging in this behavior doesn't have a good support system and may even have low self-esteem and self-respect.” There's no doubt that correcting low self-esteem can be a really difficult task, but it's worth thinking about when sadfishing starts to become attractive. Emotional outbursts due to poor emotional regulation could also contribute to sadfishing. Dr. Rachel explains that sadfishing is likely to occur when a person craves emotional validation but isn't getting it elsewhere in their life.

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It can be difficult to distinguish between sadfishing and genuine expressions of grief online. According to Forbes, there are a few identifying signs that make a person's posts authentic. If a person posts frequently about their mental health, has just gone through a crisis, is experiencing health issues, or seems withdrawn in real life, these are all signs that it's time to reach out. Offer a listening ear or suggest that it might be time to see a therapist.

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Dr. Rachel Goldman tells Women that if someone is actually sadfishing and we act on it, we can inadvertently reinforce the behavior. However, Dr. Rachel adds that if the person is a friend, and even if they are sadfishing, it means something is wrong. If their sadfishing is negatively affecting you, give yourself the space you need. But if you can, reach out. “You can text them and say you saw what they posted and wanted to reach out,” suggests Dr. Rachel. “You could also say something like, 'I've noticed you've been sharing a lot on social media lately. It's hard for me to know if you're struggling right now or not, but I care about you. Do you want to talk?'” Dr. Rachel says to be mindful of what you're taking on so you don't burn out, but it can be beneficial to discuss sadfishing with a friend or loved one in a compassionate way.

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